Patience is not really my thing, especially when waiting for a positive pregnancy test result. I feel like time is literally dragging by, and Thursday may never get here. I am trying to stay positive, but there are moments of doubt and frustration. I am more on edge than normal and my temper is embarrassingly short. I am rarely cranky, but as the time drags on (and I hope and pray for a BFP), I feel more tense and worried about a negative result. I actually had a nightmare about getting my period last night. I woke up terrified, but was thankful when I realized that it was only a dream. I am tempted to start urine testing, but I promised myself that I wouldn’t drive myself batty with pee sticks. We’ll see if I can resist the testing urge.
Tonight, I am focusing on me and my feelings. It’s okay to be scared and nervous, and it’s very important to share these feelings so they don’t make me crazy. Thankfully, we have a fun event tomorrow that will distract me and help me to not think about pregnancy. Work is also quite busy next week, which will help, but I have a going away party Thursday night in my office. I rarely go to the office – it’s a 2 hour commute each way — and I am not sure what to do on Thursday. I go in for my blood test early in the morning, but won’t have the result until after 1pm. I definitely don’t want to be in the office for the doctor’s call – I need to be able to react to the news (whatever it is) in my own way at my house. For now, I’ll plan to work from home, and depending on the news, will go to the office in the afternoon for the going away party. It’s really not worth stressing about :-).
To add to the stress, our evil insurance company – the awful Aetna – has decided to not approve IVF procedures they previously approved. Working with Aetna has been a disaster. We are supposed to be 100% covered for IVF, and everything was pre-approved and authorized by the devils, but now they are going to make me fight with them to get what we are paying for. On Monday, I will call my insurance angel at our RE’s office and explain what is going on; I hope she can help to resolve this issue quickly. I am also going to cal the NJ Insurance agency and lodge a complaint against Aetna. They are making a stressful medical situation worse. No one deserves to be treated this way, and I am going to fight back.
Whew, I feel better just writing about my feelings! Deep breaths and happy thoughts!