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Waiting sucks

Patience is not really my thing, especially when waiting for a positive pregnancy test result. I feel like time is literally dragging by, and Thursday may never get here. I am trying to stay positive, but there are moments of doubt and frustration. I am more on edge than normal and my temper is embarrassingly short. I am rarely cranky, but as the time drags on (and I hope and pray for a BFP), I feel more tense and worried about a negative result. I actually had a nightmare about getting my period last night. I woke up terrified, but was thankful when I realized that it was only a dream. I am tempted to start urine testing, but I promised myself that I wouldn’t drive myself batty with pee sticks. We’ll see if I can resist the testing urge.

Tonight, I am focusing on me and my feelings. It’s okay to be scared and nervous, and it’s very important to share these feelings so they don’t make me crazy. Thankfully, we have a fun event tomorrow that will distract me and help me to not think about pregnancy. Work is also quite busy next week, which will help, but I have a going away party Thursday night in my office. I rarely go to the office – it’s a 2 hour commute each way — and I am not sure what to do on Thursday. I go in for my blood test early in the morning, but won’t have the result until after 1pm. I definitely don’t want to be in the office for the doctor’s call – I need to be able to react to the news (whatever it is) in my own way at my house. For now, I’ll plan to work from home, and depending on the news, will go to the office in the afternoon for the going away party. It’s really not worth stressing about :-).

To add to the stress, our evil insurance company – the awful Aetna – has decided to not approve IVF procedures they previously approved. Working with Aetna has been a disaster. We are supposed to be 100% covered for IVF, and everything was pre-approved and authorized by the devils, but now they are going to make me fight with them to get what we are paying for. On Monday, I will call my insurance angel at our RE’s office and explain what is going on; I hope she can help to resolve this issue quickly. I am also going to cal the NJ Insurance agency and lodge a complaint against Aetna. They are making a stressful medical situation worse. No one deserves to be treated this way, and I am going to fight back.

Whew, I feel better just writing about my feelings! Deep breaths and happy thoughts!

Baby dust


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10 thoughts on “Waiting sucks

  1. Praying you get your BFP!

  2. Hang tough. Honestly, I think this is the worst part of the process. Do not google. Try not to over-analyze. Watch lots of crap TV (I like Mad Men or Sex at the City) or some cheesy Romantic Comedies. It’s completely out of your hands, which is why I think this is so hard. Sending you a huge hug. =-)

    • Thank you :-). Crap TV definitely helps – I have been watching a bunch of silly cooking shows like chopped and food network star. This is definitely the worst part, but Thursday is getting closer and closer. Come on BFP!!

      Sent from my iPhone

  3. Unfortunately the progesterone does not help with the mood swings at all! Keep the faith and try for any distraction you can and the day will be here before you know it.

  4. Ahh, Devon! Waiting for time to pass is agonizing. Glad to hear you are trying to keep yourself distracted until Thursday, although it stinks that straightening out your insurance mess seems to be filling that void, LOL. I will be praying for a positive outcome and for Thursday to come quickly! Hang in there girl, hang in there πŸ™‚

    • I am hanging in! The insurance company finally relented — it was a “computer glitch” – and will be correct soon! YAY πŸ™‚

      Thursday is almost here πŸ™‚

  5. Norma Wible on said:

    HI Devon,
    Thought about you all day yesterday, and you’re right, waiting is the pits! But then this morning, I was thinking, well, it IS good practice for the 9 months…. I don’t recall that it got any easier waiting at the end though, even if practice IS supposed to make you better at something. Still thinking/praying for you. πŸ™‚

    • Thanks, mom!! πŸ™‚ I appreicate the thoughts and prayers — I know they are working. I am sure the 9 month wait will also be a challenge, and this is pretty good practice. HUGS!

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