Day 17 — Impatient
Today’s intention is to be open to constructive criticism.
Today, I am feeling impatient! I just want my period to come so we can get everything started already. As anyone who knows me would tell you, I am a planner. I love details especially when organizing events. It makes me happy to make things perfect :). For our wedding, I planned every little thing from the music to the gift bags we gave to our guests as well as having itineraries for every member of our wedding party. I wasn’t a bridezilla, but I like having structure and I enjoy planning for big events.
IVF doesn’t exactly work that way. I feel like there is a lot of hurrying up to wait and waiting to hurry up. My period has never been regular — thanks PCOS — so I can’t exactly pinpoint when our next cycle will begin because I have to wait for my period to start. I know it’s coming, but it could be here tonight or the end of the week. While waiting, there isn’t much to do except read, read, and read more articles about IVF, but since every cycle is unique to the woman, I don’t really know the details, and won’t until I meet with the doctor. It’s quite annoying to have no control over any of it. Our first real IVF meeting won’t happen until I get my period, and then I will be able to make a more clear plan and feel more in control over this process.
The other hard part in all of this is the not knowing what to expect. My hubby and I are always busy –we go to a lot of charity events, out with friends, to alumni events, and play summer sports. Since I don’t know exactly when this cycle will begin, what the protocol will be, and/or if I’ll be pregnant in May/June, I am putting a hold on lots of stuff. Today, I bowed out of dragonboat racing in June and July — an event I have enjoyed participating in for the last 3 years — I won’t feel comfortable participating if I am pregnant or in the middle of a cycle. I also declined a fun mudrun at the end of the month and may have to miss a trip to Pittsburgh for Mother’s Day. Don’t get me wrong, the goal of having a healthy baby makes all of these decisions easy, but I always feel a little sad having to miss out because of my fertility.
At this point, I must focus on what I can control (and not on what I have given up) — my diet and fitness! I am following the Perfect 10 diet again and love it! It’s nice to eat real food and feel great. I just know that it is helping me to balance my hormones. I have cut out gluten (not too hard since I really never added it back to my diet) and will of course remove alcohol and caffeine — again not too hard since I rarely consume either. I am also back in the gym 5-6 times per week with walks 2-3 nights per week as well as fertility yoga every day. I will cut back on the cardio once we start the cycle so it doesn’t stress my reproductive organs and will just focus on walking and yoga for stress relief. All of this activity helps me to feel like I am doing something in my pursuit of having a baby. It’s easy to feel somewhat helpless through all of this, so I do my best to make positive choices that will positively impact our chances to have a healthy baby 🙂
I am grateful for my health; great friends; a loving hubby; an amazing family — parents, brothers, and sisters; love, laughter, and happiness!
I love and accept myself!