January 23, 2012 — another loss
Today confirmed the awful news from last week’s ultrasound. Last Wednesday, we went in for our 9 week scan excited to see our baby again. We had seen it at 7 weeks growing perfectly with a strong heartbeat. I felt pregnant — still nauseaous, exhausted, and craving random foods. The appoitments started well enough — we saw the baby and it measured perfectly, but then our doctor paused and I knew something was wrong. She was struggling to find the heartbeat, and when she did find it, it could barely be seen on the monitor. Our doctor explained that this wasn’t a good sign, the heartbeat should be beating at 120-170 BPM, and our baby’s heartbeat was only 70 BPM. She said that she was “very concerned” and scheduled us to come back today for another scan. We went back in early this morning, and my worst fears were confirmed. The baby stopped growing midway through my 9th week and there was no heartbeat. The doctor was very kind and recommended a D&C to remove the pregnancy, so I will be going in tomorrow morning for this procedure. The procedure should be quick and relatively painless — they will put me under a general anesthetic open my cervix and remove the pregnancy. I will have some cramping and bleeding, but should be home by 10:30 tomorrow morning.
The emotional pain is, of course, more difficult than the physical pain. This is my 4th lost pregnancy over the last year, and I am frustrated and saddened by this outcome. It’s a new beginning starting tomorrow, and I will do everything in my power to improve my chances for a happy and healthy pregnancy.